Adversity is your friend

While the title of today's blog post can be classed as an oxymoron, thinking about it with the correct frame of mind makes perfect sense.

I've had (and am going through) some negative periods in my life and while in those situations I'm always eager for them to end as quickly as possible. Sleepless nights with my mind focused on constant negativity and repeatedly going over incidents that have led to this moment in an attempt to make sense of things.

For me, it's a case of constantly playing "mental catch-up". I say this because while my conscious self understands the reasoning behind everything that has happened and understands the motives behind the actions of the people around me - the fact still remains that another part of me (my unconscious maybe?) has a hard time agreeing with it all. That bit always takes more work and creating a relationship between the two, while a struggle, is getting easier.

The point is that it is easier than it was before. The time in which it takes for that other part of me to catch up and agree with what my "intellectual self" knows to be true becomes shorter with each bout of adversity. Each time I go through something that causes me to dig deep mentally, I'm able to do it with a bit more ease. The familiarity of overcoming adversity is like fight training for the mind. It helps to give a greater appreciation for the positivity that life has to offer and understand that each encounter with adversity, acts like a little bit of snake venom. Eventually you can see things for how/what they are, accept them and move on in a positive direction, taking away from it what we need and having a better understanding of ourselves as well as a greater ability to resolves issues in the future.

Peace and Love
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Some light humour

‎​A lady takes her lover to her house during the day, while her husband is at work and Unknown to her, her 9 year old son was hiding in the closet to skip school.
Unexpectedly her husband returns home, so she asks the man to hide in the same closet.
The boy now has company!
Boy: "dark in here"
Man: " yes it is"
Boy: " I have a baseball"
Man: " that's nice"
Boy:" wana buy it?"
Man:"no, thanks"
Boy:" my dad is outside"
Man: " ok how much"
Boy: "250"
In the next few weeks it happens agAin and they meet in the same closet.
Boy: "dark in here"
Man: " yes it is"
Boy: " I have a baseball glove"
Man: " how much"
Boy:"750"
Man; "fine"
Few days later the father says to the boy, " grab your gloves and ball and let's go to the park
The boy says"I sold them"
Father:"how much"
Boy:"1000"
Father:" it's terrible to over charge ur friends. We are going to church and u have to confess!"
So they go to the church and father alerts the priest, makes the boy sit in the confession room and closes the door
Boy :"Dark in here"
Priest: "don't start this shit again"
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Just because that's the way things are, does not mean that's the way things are supposed to be.

This is something I see on an almost daily basis in every facet of life. So often we see things that are, yet should not be. Because they have "been" for such a long time, we fail to ask if that's how they should truly be.

For example. I worked for a company where if you had made a mistake you would hear furious typing between the directors as they discussed your failure over messenger shortly followed by slamming of doors and general negative vibes aimed in your direction. Things were unfortunately taken very personally and it was not behaviour I would have expected from any company or professionals in a management role. I no longer work for this company as I was sure that this was not how things were meant to be.

Another example. I would confide in a friend who at a time (but unfortunately no longer) I would have considered as family. Dependent on if it bought amusement to them or if the mood took them, they would tell others of these private things that I had shared in confidence. For some very weird reason they'd find this hilarious - I'd get angry (obviously), they'd apologise and then before long - do the same thing again. This was a regular occurrence as well as other things of the same nature and while no other friend would do this, I considered it the norm and accepted it because this had become the dynamic of our relationship over a number of years. At the same time, this was not behaviour I would have tolerated from other friends as the dynamics in those relationships were different (and I was fortunate enough to be able to confide in those friends without worry).

Eventually an incident ensued that gave me the chance to analyse the relationship properly and I had come to realise that this was certainly not the way things were meant to be. I didn't (and still don't) blame the person for the things that they had done as they were merely being themselves. I strongly believe that it is not for us to point out what we feel are errors in the personality of others, but to decide if we are willing to accept them for who they are.

My choice had been to constantly point out the error of this past friends ways as opposed to just making a choice of either accepting them for who they are and I accepted this negative cycle as it had turned into something that just "was", failing to realise that for me at least, this was not how things were meant to be.

Sometimes the universe gives you a very clear window to look through which allows you to see things clearly and for what they are. When that opportunity comes along - it is better to take note and ask yourself...is this the way things are supposed to be?

As always, take from this what you will - just processing my thoughts :)

Peace and love to you all.
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Creating Reality

A very good friend of mine who was mentioned a few posts back once said to me "You can create your own reality". Not realising what he meant, my first question was "What?!? So if I wanna fly I can then?" as I didn't understand what he meant. What eluded me then (but not now) is this. Each persons reality is different and the energy and beliefs that we have, contribute to the life that we lead. If you're always thinking with a negative frame of mind, invariably, negative things will happen. However, the opposite is also true.

A friend of mine stayed with me maybe a year back and had an awesome weekend (and of course they did - anytime spent with me always rocks!!! ;). She proceeds to tell me that because she's had such a great weekend - she's convinced that something negative will follow as that was the way her life works. Surely enough, within a week - something negative had happened. Now while I understand that this negative thing may well have been out of her control - I couldn't help but think that because she was looking out for it, it fulfilled her belief that following any positive situation is always a negative one. Had her mindset have been "Anything that happens externally is beyond my control" and focused on her reaction to a situation (which is under her control), maybe she would have seen it as just one of the many lessons of life.

We've all been there - a bad thing happens, followed by another, followed by another. Some smaller things happen which are also negative and before you know it - it's like you've been overloaded with crap! We tend to bundle smaller insignificant things in there too - adding to the list and "POW!" - we have a giant list of shit that needs sorting.

The way in which we view any situation is essentially - a choice. The actions of others can not be controlled by us but our actions and reactions are under our complete control and sometimes we tend to forget that.

Your life, views and reactions create a reality that is uniquely your own and we can change all 3 to create a better reality for ourselves.

Peace, Love and a Very Happy New Year to you all.