The Games We Play

So, I know I've been getting quite deep on my posts of late and the primary reason for this is because I'm happy. It has been a long while where I've been in a place that allows me to concentrate on what is most important to me, that being my personal growth and mental well being. For me, having other areas of my life "in order" allows me to concentrate on the many questions I have about life and this blog is a way of finalising those thought processes. I make no claims to be "right" about any of the things I say, I'm merely posting my thoughts about experiences and views that I have that feel right to me. If someone reads any of what I write and can take anything positive from it - awesome!

So with that out of the way, today's post is about the games we play.

I've actually got a book by roughly the same name and while I've not read the entire thing in great detail, what I have read makes sense. Coupled with the fact that I've had experiences quite recently of such an occurrence makes it the perfect subject of a blog post.

So, let's say you see someone that you've maybe spoken to once or twice. Every time you see that person, you give them a nod and they do the same. So, one day, you see the person and you give them the usual nod but on this occasion they fail to return it. First thing that would usually come to my mind is "well fuck you too!". Why? Because me and the other person have entered into a covert contract. Without even speaking to each other about it formally, we have agreed that every time we see each other, we will exchange nods. Their or my failure to fulfill the requirements of this unspoken agreement leaves the other party feeling a bit pissed. Not in a "the next time I see this mother fucker I'm gonna cave his skull in!" kinda way - but enough that your fulfillment of the contract in the future is entirely optional where you are concerned. It's a small thing but I know so many people that do it. Why? I haven't quite figured that bit out yet. What I can say is this. We don't know the circumstances surrounding the failure of the other person fulfilling their part of the contract. Maybe they we're having a bad day or maybe they didn't see you - something that I had never thought about until this very instant but something worth considering.

Also, I can't help but notice how we get ourselves into these patterns with others and for the most part either don't realise or even question these patterns.

OK, let us visit another end of the spectrum. You meet some chic (or dude, dependent on your gender and preference) and you exchange numbers. "Yeah, I'll call you". My question is this...why is it that most of us (including me) feel the need to leave a certain amount of time before we "make the call" because we don't want to appear too keen? I know I've done it and I know many of my friends have done it too. So, my question here is - what is the big problem with being keen? Why can't you make the call on the same day? You want to - but you decide against it so that you appear to be playing it cool. And of course, if you do make the call too early, the other person may well think "oooh, they're a bit keen!" (Which I have actually witnessed in total shock!)

Since when did we decide that a certain amount of time must go by before we "make the call" ? You like them, they like you - where is the issue? I know that in some circumstances, people can come off as being a bit (or a lot) needy - but my example is not directed at those situations.

Another example. So I'll be on the phone to...whoever. We'll be having a conversation and I may say something that is found offensive to the other party. Instead of saying "I found what you have said offensive" or "I don't agree with what you have said" the tone of the conversation will change completely. If I ask what is wrong I'm greeted with an abrupt "nothing!".

Why?

Why is it that we can't just say exactly what is on our minds? There are ways of being constructive with it but why not get it out into the open as opposed to stating that there is nothing wrong when there obviously is? Another nuance to this particular pattern that I have noticed are sarcastic comments surrounding the offensive remark.

So while some patterns are quite common, other patterns that we develop may be quite obscure. Some of these patterns can have negative effects while others positive. Our ability to identify these patterns allows us to correctly analyse and therefore deduce if their function serves as a positive or a negative. How we acquire this ability I am unsure as this is something that I've only recently started to notice myself, however, like anything in life, with time and patience I'm sure it's a skill that can be developed and something that will contribute to making us a better version of us.

Until the next post...
Peace and Love.
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