I'm pretty sure that it was Einstein who said (and I'm about to paraphrase) "it makes no sense to do the same thing over and over while expecting different results" and it's so true.
Life is challenging in that we're presented with the same "lessons" over and over until we learn that lesson. When we do, we're presented with a different lesson. One of the most important lessons for me is the realisation that we have absolutely no control over anyone but ourselves. It happens time and time again, we see a friend doing something that we know or feel will effect them negatively and (dependent on your personality) we tend to get angered at the fact that after seeking our advice, they go ahead and do it anyway. Our inability to correctly guide them leaves us feeling powerless.
That's just 1 example of the many lessons of life that we're presented with but there are so much more waiting for us.
For the longest time I saw these trials and tribulations of life as something that I hoped would eventually not be an issue but eventually realised that there is no escape. I also realised that they're not necessarily "trials and tribulations" but lessons that are presented to us by the universe. Regardless of the situation, some form of positivity can be taken from it if you look at it in the correct way.
It is very easy to play the victim and ask the heavens "why does this keep on happening to me!" However, failing to look internally and focusing on the external ensures that repetitive negativity will continue. For the most part, while we are able to influence the external, there is generally no way to guarantee its permanent change in state. This then leaves us with the internal. Namely, how we react to a situation and the choices we make as a result of a situation.
Looking at ourselves subjectively can be difficult but can also help in identifying the reasons for our reactions to situations. Something that has no effect on one, may have a deep emotional effect on another and there is usually a reason for that. Learning these reasons helps us to change our reactions or at the very least understand them and from there we can at least take solace in the fact that our new found knowledge leaves us feeling a little less lost in this great world and brings us a step further in our personal evolution.
As always, peace and love.
Sent using BlackBerry® from Orange
Tuesday 19 October 2010
Wednesday 6 October 2010
The Games We Play
So, I know I've been getting quite deep on my posts of late and the primary reason for this is because I'm happy. It has been a long while where I've been in a place that allows me to concentrate on what is most important to me, that being my personal growth and mental well being. For me, having other areas of my life "in order" allows me to concentrate on the many questions I have about life and this blog is a way of finalising those thought processes. I make no claims to be "right" about any of the things I say, I'm merely posting my thoughts about experiences and views that I have that feel right to me. If someone reads any of what I write and can take anything positive from it - awesome!
So with that out of the way, today's post is about the games we play.
I've actually got a book by roughly the same name and while I've not read the entire thing in great detail, what I have read makes sense. Coupled with the fact that I've had experiences quite recently of such an occurrence makes it the perfect subject of a blog post.
So, let's say you see someone that you've maybe spoken to once or twice. Every time you see that person, you give them a nod and they do the same. So, one day, you see the person and you give them the usual nod but on this occasion they fail to return it. First thing that would usually come to my mind is "well fuck you too!". Why? Because me and the other person have entered into a covert contract. Without even speaking to each other about it formally, we have agreed that every time we see each other, we will exchange nods. Their or my failure to fulfill the requirements of this unspoken agreement leaves the other party feeling a bit pissed. Not in a "the next time I see this mother fucker I'm gonna cave his skull in!" kinda way - but enough that your fulfillment of the contract in the future is entirely optional where you are concerned. It's a small thing but I know so many people that do it. Why? I haven't quite figured that bit out yet. What I can say is this. We don't know the circumstances surrounding the failure of the other person fulfilling their part of the contract. Maybe they we're having a bad day or maybe they didn't see you - something that I had never thought about until this very instant but something worth considering.
Also, I can't help but notice how we get ourselves into these patterns with others and for the most part either don't realise or even question these patterns.
OK, let us visit another end of the spectrum. You meet some chic (or dude, dependent on your gender and preference) and you exchange numbers. "Yeah, I'll call you". My question is this...why is it that most of us (including me) feel the need to leave a certain amount of time before we "make the call" because we don't want to appear too keen? I know I've done it and I know many of my friends have done it too. So, my question here is - what is the big problem with being keen? Why can't you make the call on the same day? You want to - but you decide against it so that you appear to be playing it cool. And of course, if you do make the call too early, the other person may well think "oooh, they're a bit keen!" (Which I have actually witnessed in total shock!)
Since when did we decide that a certain amount of time must go by before we "make the call" ? You like them, they like you - where is the issue? I know that in some circumstances, people can come off as being a bit (or a lot) needy - but my example is not directed at those situations.
Another example. So I'll be on the phone to...whoever. We'll be having a conversation and I may say something that is found offensive to the other party. Instead of saying "I found what you have said offensive" or "I don't agree with what you have said" the tone of the conversation will change completely. If I ask what is wrong I'm greeted with an abrupt "nothing!".
Why?
Why is it that we can't just say exactly what is on our minds? There are ways of being constructive with it but why not get it out into the open as opposed to stating that there is nothing wrong when there obviously is? Another nuance to this particular pattern that I have noticed are sarcastic comments surrounding the offensive remark.
So while some patterns are quite common, other patterns that we develop may be quite obscure. Some of these patterns can have negative effects while others positive. Our ability to identify these patterns allows us to correctly analyse and therefore deduce if their function serves as a positive or a negative. How we acquire this ability I am unsure as this is something that I've only recently started to notice myself, however, like anything in life, with time and patience I'm sure it's a skill that can be developed and something that will contribute to making us a better version of us.
Until the next post...
Peace and Love.
Sent using BlackBerry® from Orange
So with that out of the way, today's post is about the games we play.
I've actually got a book by roughly the same name and while I've not read the entire thing in great detail, what I have read makes sense. Coupled with the fact that I've had experiences quite recently of such an occurrence makes it the perfect subject of a blog post.
So, let's say you see someone that you've maybe spoken to once or twice. Every time you see that person, you give them a nod and they do the same. So, one day, you see the person and you give them the usual nod but on this occasion they fail to return it. First thing that would usually come to my mind is "well fuck you too!". Why? Because me and the other person have entered into a covert contract. Without even speaking to each other about it formally, we have agreed that every time we see each other, we will exchange nods. Their or my failure to fulfill the requirements of this unspoken agreement leaves the other party feeling a bit pissed. Not in a "the next time I see this mother fucker I'm gonna cave his skull in!" kinda way - but enough that your fulfillment of the contract in the future is entirely optional where you are concerned. It's a small thing but I know so many people that do it. Why? I haven't quite figured that bit out yet. What I can say is this. We don't know the circumstances surrounding the failure of the other person fulfilling their part of the contract. Maybe they we're having a bad day or maybe they didn't see you - something that I had never thought about until this very instant but something worth considering.
Also, I can't help but notice how we get ourselves into these patterns with others and for the most part either don't realise or even question these patterns.
OK, let us visit another end of the spectrum. You meet some chic (or dude, dependent on your gender and preference) and you exchange numbers. "Yeah, I'll call you". My question is this...why is it that most of us (including me) feel the need to leave a certain amount of time before we "make the call" because we don't want to appear too keen? I know I've done it and I know many of my friends have done it too. So, my question here is - what is the big problem with being keen? Why can't you make the call on the same day? You want to - but you decide against it so that you appear to be playing it cool. And of course, if you do make the call too early, the other person may well think "oooh, they're a bit keen!" (Which I have actually witnessed in total shock!)
Since when did we decide that a certain amount of time must go by before we "make the call" ? You like them, they like you - where is the issue? I know that in some circumstances, people can come off as being a bit (or a lot) needy - but my example is not directed at those situations.
Another example. So I'll be on the phone to...whoever. We'll be having a conversation and I may say something that is found offensive to the other party. Instead of saying "I found what you have said offensive" or "I don't agree with what you have said" the tone of the conversation will change completely. If I ask what is wrong I'm greeted with an abrupt "nothing!".
Why?
Why is it that we can't just say exactly what is on our minds? There are ways of being constructive with it but why not get it out into the open as opposed to stating that there is nothing wrong when there obviously is? Another nuance to this particular pattern that I have noticed are sarcastic comments surrounding the offensive remark.
So while some patterns are quite common, other patterns that we develop may be quite obscure. Some of these patterns can have negative effects while others positive. Our ability to identify these patterns allows us to correctly analyse and therefore deduce if their function serves as a positive or a negative. How we acquire this ability I am unsure as this is something that I've only recently started to notice myself, however, like anything in life, with time and patience I'm sure it's a skill that can be developed and something that will contribute to making us a better version of us.
Until the next post...
Peace and Love.
Sent using BlackBerry® from Orange
Saturday 2 October 2010
Look at you
So, you walk past a MacDonalds and you see a chic with 3 big macs, 2 large fries, nuggets, an apple pie and wait for it...a diet coke. I know I've had that exact situation happen to me and I couldn't help but comment on why she'd have a diet coke.
The point I'm getting at here is, what has that got to do with me? not to say that we can't have opinions but certainly if they're unnecessarily derogatory (as was the case for me in the instance above), then what purpose does it serve me to point out my opinion to myself, a friend or even to the person themselves?
Maybe we do it as a way of making us feel better about ourselves? That makes sense to me (in terms of a reason NOT in terms of justifying the action). But if you look carefully, this is something that is embedded in our culture (certainly in the UK where I live and from what I have seen, the US also). Weekly magazines, daily newspapers, MTV programs etc. Almost every medium becomes intertwined with this focus of negativity or irrelevance relating to other people.
The Minogues and the Osbournes in a feud, Kerry Katona losing more weight, Emma Watson having to leave a building in the middle of the night because of a fire scare. All of this read in the local newspapers or "chic mags" in the past 14 days and non of it serving any positive purpose.
The only purpose I can see is the removal of focus from our own lives and onto that of others. Not only are failures and accolades catalogued, but the mundane too. Is the need for escapism so great?
We all have energy and with it the ability to direct that energy toward positivity for ourselves and others around us or for negativity. Putting the focus on others in a negative way can give us the temporary empowerment to feel better about ourselves even for just a moment, but because we are not focusing our energy on helping ourselves and by proxy, others - any fixes we have are short lived containing very little substance or solace.
Think about it, how has Jordan breaking up with Peter helped you in any way? How has Lindsay Lohans continual battle with drugs and alcohol helped you? It's all focus on the demise and downfall of others which makes us feel better about our own misgivings.
It is a rarity to be encouraged to develop the self and to gain true enlightenment and evolution and I am forced to ask why.
As a species, we are capable of so much and our individual potential tends never to be reached because of this. It is easy to follow what is known as the norm even in light of the fact that it is in no way normal. Comparison to others can only provide finite satisfaction whereas in retrospect, comparison to a former version of ourselves and seeing our progressions in that way can be far more fulfilling.
Our words as well as actions have the ability to condemn or commend, to turn a frown upside down or to help someone into a well of depression. None of us have this crazy world figured out even those of us that feel we have but the realization of this combined with a slightly different view on things could help in making this world a slightly better place for all of us.
Peace and Love.
The point I'm getting at here is, what has that got to do with me? not to say that we can't have opinions but certainly if they're unnecessarily derogatory (as was the case for me in the instance above), then what purpose does it serve me to point out my opinion to myself, a friend or even to the person themselves?
Maybe we do it as a way of making us feel better about ourselves? That makes sense to me (in terms of a reason NOT in terms of justifying the action). But if you look carefully, this is something that is embedded in our culture (certainly in the UK where I live and from what I have seen, the US also). Weekly magazines, daily newspapers, MTV programs etc. Almost every medium becomes intertwined with this focus of negativity or irrelevance relating to other people.
The Minogues and the Osbournes in a feud, Kerry Katona losing more weight, Emma Watson having to leave a building in the middle of the night because of a fire scare. All of this read in the local newspapers or "chic mags" in the past 14 days and non of it serving any positive purpose.
The only purpose I can see is the removal of focus from our own lives and onto that of others. Not only are failures and accolades catalogued, but the mundane too. Is the need for escapism so great?
We all have energy and with it the ability to direct that energy toward positivity for ourselves and others around us or for negativity. Putting the focus on others in a negative way can give us the temporary empowerment to feel better about ourselves even for just a moment, but because we are not focusing our energy on helping ourselves and by proxy, others - any fixes we have are short lived containing very little substance or solace.
Think about it, how has Jordan breaking up with Peter helped you in any way? How has Lindsay Lohans continual battle with drugs and alcohol helped you? It's all focus on the demise and downfall of others which makes us feel better about our own misgivings.
It is a rarity to be encouraged to develop the self and to gain true enlightenment and evolution and I am forced to ask why.
As a species, we are capable of so much and our individual potential tends never to be reached because of this. It is easy to follow what is known as the norm even in light of the fact that it is in no way normal. Comparison to others can only provide finite satisfaction whereas in retrospect, comparison to a former version of ourselves and seeing our progressions in that way can be far more fulfilling.
Our words as well as actions have the ability to condemn or commend, to turn a frown upside down or to help someone into a well of depression. None of us have this crazy world figured out even those of us that feel we have but the realization of this combined with a slightly different view on things could help in making this world a slightly better place for all of us.
Peace and Love.
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