Perfection is a myth

I do remember a time where I felt (very briefly) that I had everything sorted. "Problems? Heck no! Issues? Don't be silly!"

Then one day, a very close friend tells me about this book. He tells me "read it, understand it, live it!". It was a book in reference to a certain psychological theory called "mr nice guy syndrome". Reading that book accounted for one of the most depressing weeks of my life. It was as if someone had followed me around with a pad n pen documenting my life and here was me thinking I was unique. Turns out that not only was I pretty much the same as thousands of people the world over - but I was a fruit cake also (I don't think that any more by the way).

So, that for me was when my journey began. With the help of some friends (and a family member) I was able to identify the things that I did not like about myself, why I didn't like them, where they came from and more importantly, how to change them. There were a few references made in different books I had read saying that I would encounter objections to the changes I would inevitably make and that these objections would come from the people closest to me. In an effort to combat this I told the people that I felt were closest to me what I would be doing and hoped for the best but alas, even quite recently (I started this journey around 5 years ago), my continual changes have prompted even my best friend to grow distant from me. On the flip side, most of the people in my life have been very cool about my changes but initially my mom (who I've always been very close to) had many objections to what I then referred to as "the new me".

Comments such as "since you've got on this self help stuff you seem to think you're better than everyone else" which was never the case at all. I remember mentally collecting all of this information and wanting to share it, helping others as much as I could, knowing how this new found information had helped me. Unfortunately, tact has never been one of my best attributes and with certain people (my mom included) I failed miserably.
Digressions aside, I always thought that with all of the self progression I was doing, that I would have an end result at some point. I soon realised (or at the very least strongly felt) that it simply wasn't possible.

Today I am a better version of who I was yesterday and tomorrow, I'll be a better version of who I am today. For me - that is perfectly fine. I truly believe that if I ever get to a place where I feel I have everything sorted it means nothing more than I have taken a wrong turn in this personal journey of mine. One of the worst feelings for me was when issues I thought I had resolved would rear their ugly heads once again, leaving me with a feeling of having taken a step back but as Malcolm X once said "stumbling is not the same as falling" (thank you Brother Malcolm!).

I don't mind having issues as I don't feel anyone is perfect but I do what I can to not fall into the same negative habits that did (and still do) nothing positive for me. It's scary at times because dealing with change (at least for me) is quite scary even if it is for the better.

The one thought that helps me through everything is this. Courage is not the absence of fear, but pushing through regardless of it's presence. It's OK to be scared as long as you don't let the fear control you - and even if it does (which occasionally it will) - remain persistent and things can only get easier.

As always, if there is anything in this that you could take anything positive from - it was worth the time it took to write it.

Peace and love
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